I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
