I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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