I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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