GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
