I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she told me i tasted like america
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
