Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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