I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
