we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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