from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
