Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
