She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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