Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
