I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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