That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
