Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Randomize
