I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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