Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
