It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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