I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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