He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
