Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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