We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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