I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize