I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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