After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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