90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
