please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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