So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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