he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
