I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
