i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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