We need to start having sex underwater more often.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
