Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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