Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
