return my video game
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
