i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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