If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
