I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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