alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
