Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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