In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i think my cat just said my name.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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