Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
