Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
