last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
