the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
