Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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