we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
