guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
