3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
