five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
