So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
