Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
