I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
